Disclaimer: I am not a mental healthcare professional. This post focuses on communication strategies to navigate bullying and other forms of non-physical abuse. If you are struggling with emotional or psychological effects, please seek professional help — your well-being matters.
Bullying is a pattern of behaviour where someone uses power, pressure, or repeated negative actions to harm, intimidate, or control another. It can be overt or subtle, direct or hidden behind “jokes,” sarcasm, exclusion, or manipulative language. Bullying can happen in schools, workplaces, online spaces, social events, or even within communities that are meant to be supportive.
For queer people, bullying occurs more frequently than average. This is not due to any personal failing but because society often stigmatizes and marginalizes those whose identities, expressions, or relationships challenge rigid norms. From microaggressions to overt harassment, queer people are often targeted for being visible, different, or authentic. Bullying reflects broader structural inequalities, prejudice, and systemic oppression — and that’s why understanding and addressing it requires awareness, strategy, and support.
I speak from personal experience. I have been bullied myself — for my queerness, for speaking openly, and for refusing to conform. I know firsthand how isolating, exhausting, and harmful it can be. That lived experience drives me to address this issue deeply and to help others find ways to navigate it safely and powerfully.
The approaches described here don’t only apply to bullying but also to other forms of non-physical abuse: manipulation, gaslighting, exclusion, verbal harassment, and online targeting. Communication remains a crucial tool for recognizing, responding to, and mitigating harm in all these situations.
Recognising Bullying and Abuse
The first step in responding is recognising what harmful behaviour looks like. It may involve repeated insults, teasing, exclusion, undermining contributions, gossip, social media harassment, subtle put-downs, or gaslighting.
When someone says, “I’m just joking,” but it repeatedly makes you or others uncomfortable, that’s worth noting. When someone constantly questions your identity, mocks your choices, or diminishes your presence in a space, that is abuse. Trusting your instincts is key: discomfort, fear, or stress caused by another person is never trivial.
For example, queer people may be repeatedly misgendered despite correcting someone, have their relationships mocked, or be excluded from events. Other communities also face heightened bullying or abuse: women being silenced in meetings, Black people experiencing microaggressions in professional settings, or disabled people being mocked or underestimated. Recognising harmful behaviour is about noticing patterns and the real impact on people’s safety and well-being.
Why Communication is Essential
Communication is the central tool we have to navigate bullying and non-physical abuse. How we express ourselves, set boundaries, and engage others determines how we protect our safety and dignity. Clear communication allows us to define our experiences, assert our limits, and seek support without escalating conflict unnecessarily.
Effective communication can also educate the broader environment. By naming harmful behaviour, we expose the mechanisms of oppression that allow abuse to persist. For example, in a workplace, calmly and clearly stating that a colleague’s repeated jokes are offensive, and asking them to stop, not only sets a boundary but signals to others that such behaviour is unacceptable.
Communication is also about listening and supporting each other. Queer communities often thrive when members validate each other’s experiences, share strategies, and build collective resilience. Responding collectively — through peer support, shared resources, or community accountability — strengthens everyone’s capacity to handle bullying or abuse.
Strategies for Responding
- Set boundaries clearly – For instance: “I don’t appreciate comments about my identity; please stop.”
- Document incidents – Keep records of repeated or serious behaviour, especially in workplaces, schools, or online.
- Seek support – Connect with trusted friends, community members, or mentors who understand queer experiences.
- Choose your engagement – Sometimes the best response is disengagement; other times, addressing it directly is necessary.
- Use community resources – Advocacy organizations, queer support networks, or workplace HR can provide guidance and intervention.
- Maintain self-care – Bullying and abuse are exhausting; prioritizing mental and emotional health is part of effective communication.
- Let me repeat: I am not a mental healthcare professional. This post focuses on communication strategies to navigate bullying and other forms of non-physical abuse. If you are struggling with emotional or psychological effects, please seek professional help — your well-being matters.
Your response may vary, depending on the circumstances. For example, a queer person facing online harassment may block or mute offenders while reporting patterns to a moderator or support group. Another may respond creatively, using storytelling, art, or humor to highlight harm without personalizing it.
Creating Safer Spaces Through Communication
Queer communication is about building environments where harassment, bullying, and abuse are less likely to thrive. This includes creating social and professional spaces with clear behavioural expectations, mutual respect, and accountability. Events, meetings, online forums, and community spaces can all be designed to foster inclusion and empower individuals to speak up.
Community workshops can include discussions about microaggressions and role-playing exercises to practice asserting boundaries. Moderated online forums encourage authentic sharing while discouraging harmful behaviour. The more we practice inclusive and thoughtful communication, the stronger our collective resilience becomes.
Supporting Each Other
I want you to know: you are not alone. I am always available to support, answer questions, or hold your hand through difficult situations. Queer communities like Understanding Love 22 provide spaces where we can share, learn, and grow together. I know from experience how vital it is to have someone who understands, to walk with you through the confusion, fear, or exhaustion that bullying or abuse can bring.
Raise Your Voice!
Bullying and abuse are real, but so is our capacity to respond thoughtfully and strategically. By understanding, naming, and communicating effectively, we can protect ourselves, support each other, and challenge oppressive behaviours.
I will be offering Queer Communication masterclasses and personal sessions to explore these skills further — helping you or your community recognize bullying and abuse, communicate clearly, and strengthen resilience. Together, we can create spaces where queer voices are not only heard but empowered.
If this resonates with you, join my upcoming Queer Communication masterclasses or a more personal one-on-one session — both designed to help you or your community find your voice, sharpen your strategy, support your offline work, and create meaningful change.
Details will follow soon — and in the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.
alfred-jansen.com 